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My old envy for Phil returns, its blade flashing. The display of wealth is a reminder of what might have been my life. I click from room to room, my g...ze meandering, eyes examing every objet-d'art, every abstract, landscape and portrait, each piece of furniture, the sumptuous curtains and upholstery. The platinum discs that line the far lounge wall mock my life's achievement. If only I had knuckled down, trod the road Phil had mapped out for the band.I try to imagine Phil and Sasha's present. Every day it gnawed at her, relentlessly, oppressively, like a blanket of smog over Manhattan on a hot humid summers day! Back in Kokomo, everyone thought that she was the "All American Girl", prom queen, National Honor Society, blonde hair, blue eyes, singing in the church choir every Sunday, volunteering at the hospital, everyone's favorite girl!!! "Well," thought Allison to herself, as she stirred her coffee and stared out at the pedestrians on 57th St., "if they only knew!" She had denied. One of those losing their house was the aunt that Anita and Tina had been living with. They'd been taken in by another relative, but there just wasn't space for everyone in the small apartment.Anita was all moved in before I even knew she was coming. I'd gone down to Los Angeles to attend an agricultural seminar the Federal and State government were jointly putting on for small farmers. They wanted us to know they knew of the problems we were experiencing, and were coming up with new programs. It was not until the summer before High school that I really begin tounderstand what "sex" was. I lost my virginity to a girlfriend when I was14, during that summer, it just did not do it for me. I still found myselfdreaming of sexual acts with older men, like my fathers age, trying to fillthat void I felt due to the division of my family. In High School 80% of my friends were female, many of them coming fromfamilies where the only male in their families was their father, quite theopposite.

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